Coming home and attachment

Mike and I are so excited to be planning our trip back to Ethiopia and especially excited to have Gabe Fiker with us forever.  A friend I met on our last trip told me (after she knew we were cleared and going back) how sad he seemed.  She went to pick up her daughter two weeks ago and took pictures for us.  She talked to one of the guides and he told her Gabe Fiker ask him everyday when his mom and dad are coming to get him.  BREAK MY HEART but we are coming back VERY SOON!!!! 

Our next big journey as a family is becoming a family of five and getting Gabe Fiker attached and adjusted to life as a Brangers.  In our many hours of training and reading about attachment we have a "plan" in place.  Bringing him home will be like bringing a newborn home.  We are going to cocoon him with us as much as possible and when things are getting better we will relax this slowly. We may be hermits at first but if he's doing well we'll reevaluate.  Also Mike and I are the only ones that can meet his needs and provide for him.  He needs to learn that we are his mom and dad and what being mom and dad means.  We are the only ones that give him food, drink, spoon, fork, clothes, napkin, toothpaste, help him with anything he needs, etc...  Also if you come to the airport feel free to shake his hand, hug him if he's comfortable, and fist bump (he likes that) but afterward keep this to a minimum.  Another thing is gifts...a lot of people have wanted to give him gifts.  You can bring gifts to the airport but after the airport NO GIFTS.  Again he needs to learn that Mike and I are his providers and when people come over he doesn't automatically get a gift. We do welcome visitors but please call first to make sure it's a good time. I know this seems extreme but it's what we have learned in our training and from other families that have adopted older kids.  It may not take him any time to adjust but then it may take awhile.

We welcome as many people that want to come to the airport.  A lot of people have ask me if they can come and I say ABSOLUTELY.  Airport party's are an amazing part of the adoption process and we have so many family and friends that have supported us that we would love to see there. We are due to arrive back in Louisville on Saturday, June 2nd at 5:40.  We are arriving from Charlotte, NC on United.  We are excited see you at the bottom of the escalator by baggage claim, we are reserving the top of the escalator by security for Samuel, Will, and grandparents.  Get ready because he is adorable :)  If you have any questions about the airport you can ask our moms and dads, Laura Priest, Heather Mason, Allison Stump, or Angie Dunn.

Please continue to pray for us.  Specifically our safety for our trip, for Samuel and Will and the changes that are taking place, and attachment and adjustment for Gabe Fiker.

Embassy...FINALLY!!!!

We were finally submitted to embassy after 9 weeks past court and being told for the last 6 weeks "hopefully this week" then checking email all night long on Tuesday's with nothing.  Our agency called me yesterday and said they still didn't have all the information they wanted to submit but after relentless searching they just couldn't find it and ask us if we felt comfortable being submitted without it.  This information has to do with his birth father but I would like to keep it private for now and for Gabe Fiker's privacy.  She said in the past this information was not needed and may not be a problem now but they wanted to prevent any problems by having it.  I told her we wanted to go ahead without the information and hope for the best.  The US Embassy in Ethiopia has to review our case before deciding on one of three things, 1.  send to Nairobi for USCIS clearance (this is if they don't see our case as clearly passable and the USCIS reviews the case), 2. schedule a birth relative interview (BRI) with Gabe Fiker's uncle to ensure he is a true orphan (he is), or  3.  cleared after reviewing the case (highly unlikely but who knows).  The BRI is usually scheduled within two weeks of the initial review.  PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE PRAY for us.  We have waited so long to be submitted so I'm hoping and praying we are cleared quickly so we can plan our trip.  I have cried out to God so many times these past few weeks and even more these past few days.  He can move mountains and part seas and we so need Him to do that for us now.  We are trying patiently to wait on His perfect timing and trusting in Him through this whole process.

The lows of waiting

Today was a sad day. We have been told the last two Wednesdays that we would be submitted to embassy and it didn't happen. Last week I was bummed, this week I was sad, I cried this morning at work and all my wonderful coworkers were very sympathetic. Thanks girls, you're the best! Our agency is being proactive and getting more paperwork that has delayed families in embassy clearance before the embassy ask for it. I'm grateful to them for taking care of us and helping to make sure we pass as quickly as possible, BUT...when you are expecting one thing and another happens it's really hard. Once we are submitted it could still be 4-6 weeks before we are cleared to travel back. It's been a month since we have seen our son. We really miss him and want him home. We received some new pics and his eyes are terrible, worse than before. I want to get him to the eye specialist and get some Zyrtec and Benadryl in him. He has an eye condition called vernal keratoconjunctivitis, in layman's that is severe eye allergies. He's being treated for it but I want a fresh approach, his eyes look miserable.

People have said to me they can't imagine how we feel with him being so far away. I was running last night and thinking about this and I tried to find a way to explain it. The best way I can is imagine you have your newborn baby that you are with for a week, you love it, become attached to it and then you have to leave it over 7000 miles away. But imagine that newborn baby is 7, has been abandoned multiple times, knows that you are its new mom and dad and then you abandon him too. That's how I feel. I feel like we abandoned him, we gave him hope and then we left. I know children are more resilient and families that have met him since we left have told us he's a happy, polite child. One even said he told them "Kentucky". I'm hoping he knows deep down we are coming back but the longer it takes the more I wonder. Please pray for us. Once we get him home there will be more hurdles but for now we just want him with us and we will deal with the other stuff later.

Look at those sweet brothers.

Our favorite picture from the trip. Our twins.

Our 3 handsome boys.

An update at last

I've had a lot of people tell me they have looked at the blog and nothing has been added. I'm sorry about that. I tried to update it while we were in Ethiopia but we only took an IPad and it is impossible to type on. When we got home I was an emotional basket case and could cry on command, just ask Mike, my mom, Samuel, and Will. Enough with the excuses...

We had a wonderful trip to Ethiopia and truly fell in love with the country. The flight was gross and long, we called it the "tube of torture". The flight from DC to Addis Ababa was 13 hours and coming home we traveled for 35 hours total. We were zombies when we got home and the next day I was running a fever and felt like I had the flu, luckily that went away after 8 hours. The worst part was leaving our son over 7000 miles away. I can't really describe this feeling except it was like leaving a part of our hearts. I would watch the flight map on the airplane and the further we flew away from our son the worse I felt. I'm sure the nice man sitting with Will and I wondered why I kept crying and getting tissues out but fortunately he never asked.

Our son Gabriel (Gabe) Fiker (means love in Amharic) is wonderful and we can't wait to go back and get him. We were so nervous on our first meeting and I can't imagine how he must have felt but he came out smiling and ran down the steps right to us. He called us mom, dad, Samuel, and Will (he had studied his photo album we sent) and gave us all big hugs. Mike and I had worried that when the time came for us to take him home we would be dragging a kid kicking and screaming through the airport but as Mike later said he would have left with us that day. From the moment we met him we knew he was our son and brother.

We also met his uncle on his mother's side and his half sister. This was very emotional and I was a nervous wreck. We met with him on the transition house porch while Gabe, Samuel, and Will played out in the yard. We ask him what his wishes were for Gabe's life and he said he wants him to be a person that helps others in need like we were doing now. OMG!!!! First of all I feel Mike and I aren't doing enough to help others and we need to find ways to be better at this. Most important we feel a great responsiblity to follow through with his wishes. It also worries me because in America it can be difficult not to let all the "stuff" and chaos get in the way. Mike and I have discussed this a lot and are going to make a better effort of teaching our children to help others and not to be so materialistic or selfish. After our meeting we went down where the boys are and took some pictures, I made copies to take back with us so his uncle and sister will have copies. I loved watching Gabe Fiker and his uncle interact, they seemed to tease each other, and I'm so glad we have it on video so he can watch it in the future.

The next step we are waiting for is to be submitted to the US Embassy in Ethiopia. Our agency expects this to happen on Wednesday if all paperwork is ready. PLEASE PRAY we get submitted and things move along quickly. After that the embassy will probably set up a meeting with his uncle to make sure that he is a true orphan, this is usually about 2 weeks after set up. The latest trend has been families being cleared to pick up their child the day of the birth relative interview. Our agency said they will look at when to schedule our return trip after we know when the interview is. If we are submitted this Wednesday I'm guessing we will return 4-6 weeks from then. PLEASE PRAY for our paperwork, our family, Gabe Fiker, his uncle. This process has changed us so much, our family has grown closer to each other and more importantly closer to GOD. I'm so grateful that we were obedient to HIS call for us to adopt we are forever changed.

REFERRAL!!!!!!

We were so excited to announce we received our referral on Tuesday, January 17th and accepted it Thursday, January 19th for our 7 year old son. The reason for the two day delay is his medical information is supposed to be reviewed by a doctor, even though he's a healthy 7 year old, its still formality. So many people have ask me how the course of the evening went so I'm going to try to explain it the best I can....
I was talking to my friend Angie on my cell phone while clipping coupons (yes I'm one of those) and the home phone rang around 4:55. Our home phone rings very little (yes we need to get rid of it) so when it does at this time of day my heart always does a little leap (this is the time of day they call with referrals). Mike answered the phone with his back to me and turns around and says "you're going to want to take this", I knew instantly what it was. I frantically hung the phone with Angie while my heart is beating out of my chest. I take the phone and say hello and our family coordinator Jennifer says "Erin, this is Jennifer from America World and this is your referral call", aaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! She then says, "You need to get Mike on the other phone so I can talk to you both at the same time". At this point I can't even talk because I'm crying and she says it's perfectly normal. She starts telling us his name, birth date and then I realize I don't have paper or pen so I have to tell her to hold on again while I get these things. My hands are shaking and Mike and I are just staring at each other. She tells us a brief history of him and then says she will send an email in about 20 minutes with all his information and pictures and she tells us he's a cute little guy. AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! We then sit Samuel and Will down and tell them, they were very excited and wanted to see the pictures. We thought all along we would get a child younger than Will but he is actually a tiny bit older so we had to make sure Will understood that he was still the younger brother. Will surprised us and said they were twins and the idea has grown on him. He's such a baby I couldn't really imagine him being the middle child. We then called our parents and siblings who were so excited. We sat at the computer and refreshed it about a million times waiting for the email, we couldn't wait to see him. Of course in all the excitement we didn't video our reactions or take any pictures, I always thought we would but this was just such a surprise and I was a nervous wreck. Our son is so handsome, has the sweetest smile, and beautiful brown eyes. I can't wait until he looks at me with those eyes.

In the course of these last few days I have had so many emotions. I have felt God's favor on me so much that it's overwhelming and I feel I don't deserve it. I have felt sadness for our little guy and all he's been through in his first 7 years of life, I can't tell you his circumstance because he's not officially ours until we pass court but please, please, please pray for him. Our children are so lucky they have lived such sheltered lives. I cried over all the comments on our facebook announcement and the AWAA yahoo group announcement. We could never have done this without all the family and friends supporting us and continuing to support us. Mike and I have felt nervous that he won't like us and won't want to leave with us. All he knows is being taken away and we are just strangers. Please also pray for him to accept us and not be scared. We also knew that requesting an older child is harder to transition after they come home so I'm rereading and memorizing "The Connected Child" by Dr Purvis and Mike is doing the same. Mike and I also both got sick, nothing big deal just low grade fevers and achy and neither one of us is ever sick. It's been an overwhelming but awesome last few days.

Some have ask "what's next?", well... now we get to wait some more :). What we are waiting on now is a court date when we travel to Ethiopia and either hear we pass or don't pass. When you get to court you need the famous MOWCYA favorable letter, if it's there you pass, if not or unfavorable we don't. About 50% of people pass the first time and those who don't usually don't really know the reason and usually pass the second time. We hope to travel sometime in March or April. Please pray we pass court the first time and don't have to leave Ethiopia waiting to pass. After this you wait to get submitted to the US Embassy. This process is taking longer than before and can be 2-4 months after passing court. The government wants to absolutely make sure that these kids are true orphans which makes the process longer but ensures the best is happening for them. We are hoping he's home sometime this summer. Please pray that we receive no delays.

In the meantime we have to get vaccines to travel, Samuel is pumped about the shots, HA HA. We will also be able to take donations with us, when I know what we should take I will pass this along if anyone wants to donate. When America World receives our referral payment they will send us information about sending care packages to our son and we get to ask 5 questions (I think) about him. One of the first things we are buying him is a UK shirt, it will be his first of many :).

Please continue to pray for us and especially our little guy. We are going to need your prayers so much over the next few months. I can't wait to be able to share what God has done in our lives and his life and the circumstances that brought him to us.